Raising a Soldier by Brig. Gen. Saleh Bala (Rtd) | International Women’s Day

I am a child of a maternal uniqueness — a child of three mothers. I was born to a biological mother but tended and raised by two others who, together, formed a tripartite team of equally passionate women: my biological mother, my elder sister, and my stepmother. It is over this blessing that I named my farm; Gonan Mai Uwa Uku (The Three Mothers’ Farm).

Now this is the circumstance. Shortly before I was born, my biological mother, Nuala Doka Manu-Shemankar, became seriously ill and, on strong medical advice, was advised not to breastfeed me. She was hardly in a physical condition to undertake those rigorous early duties of motherhood. I remember that in our banter I would sometimes tell her to be less tough and demanding of me because I never suckled her.

General Bala’s biological mother, Nuala Doka Manu

So, by Allah’s will, my elder sister, who was then just eleven years old, took on the responsibility of caring for me. Indeed, it was quite a privilege in our culture for someone so young. She bathed me and prepared my Oster Baby Milk. Through my childhood and even into adulthood — as I rose to become a Colonel in the Nigerian Army and a father myself — she would call or introduce me with such motherly pride as “My baby!”

General Bala’s elder sister, Dame Katherine Hauwa Hoomkwap

For every achievement I made during her lifetime, she celebrated with tears of pride and joy. May the soul of Sister Kate rest in peace. Ameen. Though she was not the most senior child of our parents, Allah placed her in such positions of character and opportunity that hardly any of us, her siblings, was not a special beneficiary of her influence, compassion, and benevolence in our remarkable careers and family stability.

Next is my stepmother, and the only surviving one of the three — Hajiya Amina Jummai Bauchi. In the typical northern Muslim polygamous tradition, my father handed me over to her to raise from the age of three. She is a very traditional Fulani woman, embodying the strictness of Fulfulde culture and the principles of Fulaaku — the unwritten ethical code of the Fulbe that guides them toward modesty, patience, wisdom, bravery, dignity, and prudence.

General Bala’s stepmother, Hajiya Amina Jummai Bauchi

She raised me through my most impressionable adolescent years according to this code, which formed much of what people see in me today. It is also why materialism continues to be something I keep at a distance. I have vivid memories of several denials and deprivations which, in reflection, helped build the character by which I have come to understand that a man can live and enjoy maximum fulfillment without succumbing to the glitz and glamour of vanities.

Hajiya would give away, right before me, my brand-new favourite toy to a less privileged child, with such an expressionless face, and say something to the effect that I never had it before and therefore would never be any less without it — and that Allah would surely provide something better in time.

My biological mother was a princess of Goemai stock. She carried herself with the regimented regality and candour expected of her royal lineage. She was generous and compassionate, and in every stride she demonstrated that honour is the true way life should be lived, while the bond of family — particularly the extended family — is the essence of community and the purpose of God.
My mother abhorred injustice, and whenever it appeared, you would hear her commanding voice calling for justice. Mama raised us to value excellence, independence, self-reliance, selflessness, and industry.

So when I am asked to speak about motherly experiences, it is very difficult to speak about just one of these remarkable women whom the Almighty Allah has placed in my life. Through them, I was honoured with a richly privileged upbringing and an abundance of motherliness.